If you've got as far as this website I'm assuming you want something: for your children to grow up to be faithful Christians.
Whether you know it or not, you probably also want them to have a deep and loving relationship with the God who died for them, is risen, and is calling us now to that very relationship.
Perhaps you have such a relationship but aren't sure how to facilitate it for your your children, or perhaps it's an area you struggle in (like I and so many adults do) and are looking for help for yourself and much as for them. Well, here it is!
First things first: you ideally want to start around age 3
You read that right - 3! As early as 2, even, for some children.
The best time to form a loving relationship with God is between 3 and 6. Of course it's not impossible after this, but it is harder, and why choose the harder option if we don't have to?
Why is 3-6 such a pivotal age?
- Children of this age are in a "sensitive period" for relationship and for needing to feel protected.
- They have an amazing capacity to love, without complications.
- They also have a deep need for corresponding love.
We parents can provide all the human love they could ever want, but there is a special part of our children's being that can only be fulfilled by the love of their Creator.
When presented with God's love, young children (before 6) cannot but help fall in love themselves, recognising in the love of the Good Shepherd the unconditional and limitless love that they so need; when they hear the name of the Good Shepherd, they seem to recognise what it means, and are filled with joy.
After 6, the child starts to learn to reason and becomes more focused on rules, and on right and wrong - there is now a danger that their faith can become intellectual or moralistic rather than personal and filled with joy.
If there is already a relationship of uncomplicated joy and love, however, this is much less likely to happen - and this is why it is so important to help children develop this relationship in the time when it is most easily formed - between 3 and 6.
But how??
Easier said than done, I know! From when my eldest started Montessori at 3 (until fairly recently - and it's still a work in progress!) I had the same question. When he was 4 and his brother coming up 3 I first heard about Catechesis of he Good Shepherd. Somehow a group of us managed to set it up at our parish by the time the eldest was 5 1/2 (I was pretty determined to start it with him before he turned 6!)
I firmly believe that it is the best programme to help children learn to know and love God (do some googling to see if it's available near you, or contact us if you are near Hamilton NZ).
But even if you are lucky enough to be able to have your family involved with an atrium, with the saturation in today's society of so many un-Godly images and ideas, it might have a limited effect if the relationship is not fostered outside of that 1.5 hours a week.
And if you don't have access to an atrium, even more reason to know how to help your children at home!
After all, us parents are the first educators of our children and what more important area of instruction that that which will determine their eternal salvation?
But seriously, how???
No pressure, right?
Like everything else with parenting, we weren't given a manual! (You do pretty much get one if you undertake Catechesis of the Good Shepherd training, by the way. If that's an option.)
It's taken me over a year and a half of immersion in the CGS programme, including 3 (out of 6) lots of training, to start to understand how I can help my children at home.
I have many times wondered what on earth I'm doing wrong, and why they are SO uninterested in talking about or to God, especially now that they attend atrium and are supposedly at the best age for it (well, one's a little past it).
The answer (finally): Family prayer time
And this is not the definitive answer - there may be many other ideas I don't know about, but this works for us and might well work for you too.
We've been doing family prayer time for probably around a year, but until now it's been an uphill struggle. Not that it's all fluffy kittens now. But I finally twigged that my children needed to learn to pray before they could. I'd had this idea that it would come to them as naturally as walking and talking if I put them in front of a prayer table and told them to take it away, but alas, this was most decidedly not the case.
I shouldn't have been surprised, given that after over 10 years of trying I'm still far from good at it myself, but there we have it. My children, and, I suspect, many children, need some guidance in learning how to pray. Not to be told, "do it this way", but guidance. (Note - there are some that don't seem to - feel free to ignore the rest if this is your kids!)
So I started trawling the readings of the day for age appropriate themes, meditating on them in my own prayer, and presenting the results in our family prayer time. (Rather challenging in Lent, just as an aside!)
They're not perfect, and I'm not seeing major transformations or anything, but our prayer times are now mostly calm and recollected and we don't have to push the boys to think of things to thank Jesus for (Miss Just-Turned-Two has even started contributing a little now).
They are simple, they try to get to the essence of the quoted Scripture passage, and they provide ideas that the children can take further if they wish.
Posted directly to your inbox, if you so desire
And so, seeing as it's taken me so much time and learning to get even this far, I thought it would be thoughtful of me to make them available to the world at large, for your and your families' benefit. (Look at the top RHS to subscribe to have them sent directly to your inbox. Extra bonus - I'm in New Zealand, and do them the evening before, so no chance it won't be there when you wake up.)
Do feel free, if you are confident - or even if you're not - to try and write your own. I believe it would benefit you a lot. (I will write a separate page on what themes to use or avoid for different age groups.)
Er, great, thanks... but what do I do with them?
Excellent question. Hopefully by now you kinda get why you want to be doing this from around age 3, and have a bit of background on where the reflections come from and the reasoning behind it all.
Here's the practical stuff.
The Prayer Table
Or shelf, or tray, or corner, or whatever you have available. You just want a space that is ideally not used for anything else, so the children can see that it is set aside for something special.
You'll need:
- 4 cloths or mats - green, red, purple, white (maybe also pink)
- A Columban Calendar (or Universalis app, Laudata app, or a website like this so you know what colour to use each day - I will explain these colours on another page.
- A candle and matches
- A crucifix, a couple of icons, holy pictures etc (children like to be able to choose the pictures)
- You could also make little prayer cards, eg "Alleluia", "Jesus, Light of the World", but no need to get too complicated
Now you could just wing it from there, but, in my experience, to get somewhere, you need a little structure. This is where the reflections come in.
How to do Family Prayer Time
- CHOOSE A TIME WHEN THEY ARE NOT TIRED OR HUNGRY. It's hard to find such a time when everyone is free, but they'll get a lot more out of it if they're physically prepared.
- Start by getting someone to set up the prayer table (if you put everything away each time - which you probably do if you have a toddler in the house!) or rearrange things to their taste.
- Light the candle. Up to you whether you let one of your children do this.
- Do the Sign of the Cross. Slowly. The children might take a while to get the hang of it.
- You could sing a simple song or chant (at beginning or end). Taize has some good ones, such as "Bless the Lord, my soul." Beautiful trumps "kids' songs" - children appreciate beauty.
- Read out the reflection slowly. (Have a look at it beforehand in case there are any special instructions!)
- Allow time for the children to reflect, think out loud, pray, both during and after.
- At the end (or during!) is time for spontaneous prayer of praise and thanksgiving (3-6) and/or intercession (6+).
- If they're not keen, start it yourself. Then suggest they think of 3 things they'd like to say thank you to Jesus for.
- They might say things that seem silly. It does not matter - they are learning to tell God what is important to them, and that is the start of deep conversation with Him.
- If you have a mix of ages... yeah I'm still figuring out how to make that work (mine are currently 6.5, just 5, just 2). But basically you want under 6's to focus on praise and thanksgiving, so perhaps ask the older children specifically by name if they want to ask Jesus for anything (for themselves, for others, for the world). You could also do this bit at bedtime if you prefer.
- At the end, do the Sign of the Cross again, then have the candle blown out. (In our family, whoever sets up and packs away gets to blow it out. We each have set days.)
- I like to consolidate anything that has penetrated by having a brief conversation at lights-out time - "Do you remember what we talked about at prayer time?" Reminder if they don't, comment if they do.
- Take any opportunity you get to talk about God with your children - the more the better if your goal is a secure, loving relationship between Him and them.
- And make sure they know (and see) you having a relationship with God yourself. If it's not important to you, it's less likely to stay important to them (and harder to start too).
That's it!
So there we have it: one way of how to do family prayer time, and why. I hope what follows your taking the tie to read it blesses your family as much as it seems to be blessing mine.
I'm more than happy to answer any questions you might have - feel free to comment below or contact me - and I would also love to hear about any ways you help foster your children's relationship with the Good Shepherd!
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